3.3 The confrontation

When Victoria came back to the exec office, I asked her to bring Katharine and Lisa with her. Well, it was very obvious that I like him. He would have known by now. Crystal also knows about my crush on Christian. So Jane and Victoria also suggested that I should ask him out for a coffee. My first answer was no because I was too scared for that. I'm not used to being the first person to ask someone out. But after talking to Gary for an hour, I gathered my courage to ask him.

Wednesday came. After class, I went to bulk barn to get candy for candy grams. We were selling them for Valentine’s Day. I was rushing to get back to the office before Christian left for his soccer game. I told him that I wanted to talk to him. He got ready with his jacket and his bag on his hands, and followed me to a corner on the 3rd floor that I now call my corner since I'm the Mathsoc's sexy whore. This happened during a game of clue earlier in the term. I was so excited to be Scarlett and that's why I called myself the Mathsoc's sexy whore. I also have a pimp, Victoria.

“So we are in a corner now?” he said jokingly.

I kept on laughing and couldn’t be serious for a few seconds. I was too shy to ask him.

“Do you know what am I going to say?”

“I’m not a psychic but I think I have an idea of what you’re going to say”

“Okay. Remember that time you said you would go out with me if I tell you that I like you?"

He smiled and hinted for me to continue what I wanted to say.

"I like you. Would you have coffee with me on Friday?”

I stuttered. I was terrified of him saying no. It took him a while to answer me.

“Yes, but I don’t think I can do it on Friday because I already have plans. Maybe on Saturday. I have your cell phone number right. I’ll tell you when.”

I said "okay". I was smiling and jumping happily inside my heart. I didn't know what else to say to him at that moment. So then I asked him about his orientation interview for this year’s orientation week. He didn’t have an appointment but I do. He was scared if something was wrong with his application but I told him not to worry. Then he said “see you later” since he had to leave for his soccer game and I also told him to come back after his game because I need him to come back after his soccer game for signing the inventory list. We have to do inventory every Wednesdays; me, Christian, and Randy. This time, Christian had to ditch, so it was only me and Randy. Once he started walking, I told him good luck for his soccer practice.

3.2 now it's slowly starting to grow...

After Christian answered my question, everyone went back to whatever they were doing earlier. Some were playing card games and some were just lounging around. I felt very embarrassed and left the office with my iPod on hand. I rushed out and went to the comfy lounge. I took a chair and sat there while listening to a very sad song. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like something wrong was going to happen since Christian would already have the feeling of knowing that I like him. I cried. It was hard; although I was hoping that someone would search for me. I went to the washroom after wards. I washed up and came back to the office. I talked to Lisa after I came back from the washroom about what happened. She said that probably people were trying to give me some space that’s why they didn’t run out to find me. So I felt much better but Christian saw me with my red eyes. He just looked at me and then continued playing his game.

So, last Monday, February 2, I was talking a lot to Victoria and Gary about Christian. I told Vicky about how confused I was because of his answer. So I gathered my courage to ask him again, and this time in private, in the exec office. He kind of knew it was coming. I nervously asked him the same question again.
“Remember that question that I asked you before. If I were to tell you that I like you, would you go out with me?”

Without hesitation, he said yes. This was the second time. But this was a different case. No one was around pressuring him. So then when I was about to open the door, he asked me if there was something that I wanted to tell him. I shyly said no. Then, I pulled his arm back and asked him the same question that he asked me. He said no and left to the Mathsoc office. Victoria came back to the exec office. She said that she saw Christian going back to the office, smiled and sat down on his chair.

3.1 uh oh... what have you done?

In the morning, I only saw William. I asked him the question and he said that he would be happy because someone was interested in him. But I didn’t know by doing that, it misled him into thinking that I like him. I found out about this through Gary. I felt guilty, yet, happy at the same time since what girl wouldn't want a guy to like her. Then in the afternoon, I talked to Christian through msn asking him why he wasn’t in the office. I knew that he was in class but I just pretended to not know anything. I got very excited and so I told Katharine how I was just talking to “boat”.

I left the office for the washroom since it wasn't time for Christian to come back from class. I thought that there was no harm in leaving the office. Out of nowhere, when I came back, George and Katharine said “Jackie, look who is here”. George had already asked Christian if he was talking to me earlier. They were so eager to know who “boat” is. I was not really happy about it. After wards, I told George that I was going to ask Christian the same question I asked William earlier. He said “it depends on my status”. George said “well with your status now”. So Christian was shy because everyone were staring at him. Then, people stopped looking at him to give him some space and I was just beside him waiting for his answer. He said yes and smiled. My heart started pumping fast, and I had this feeling of happiness running through me.

I was happy but confused at the same time. Was it an honest yes? Or was it just an answer because there were a lot of people around us?

2.3 The boat is about to dock....

There were dramas all around the office. Well, first of all, since I am the office manager, I get to move all of the unused boxes from the office to the storage room. It is much better now. It is very clean. Second of all, there’s a history of people not liking Mary. She’s okay as a friend sometimes. She just doesn’t know when to stop talking. Same goes to Ted. He’s now Lisa’s boyfriend. I can’t really talk to Lisa about how I don’t really like Ted. Once, I complained to Victoria about Mary being all bossy around me when I was about to do something in a few hours. Mary cried. I feel very bad when I heard that from Victoria. Even after that talk, Mary still talked bad things about the 4 executives of the MathSoc just because she’s more experienced than them.

One day, after I kept on asking random people about liking someone, I eventually told Jane about what has been making me confused. At first, I didn't want to tell anyone because I knew that something more was going to happen. I told Katharine that I couldn't tell her who I liked because if I tell her, my feelings will grow stronger since I'm still not sure if I really liked this guy. Then, Victoria found out from Jane about the person that I like. Victoria said that it seems like the feeling is mutual; and yet I don’t know how he felt about me. It was terrifying. So, because at that time there were two guys who likes to hang out at Mathsoc, Christian and William, I tried asking both of them a question so that it won’t be so obvious who "boat" is for other people.

“If I were to tell you that I like you, would you go out with me?”

2.2 Why oh why?

My birthday came by a week later. As we were talking casually in a restaurant for my birthday, I told George that there might be a “boat”. Everyone, George, Katharine, and Lisa, were confused because I didn’t really tell anyone about it. I still didn’t tell anyone who “boat” is. At this time, I feel much happier than last term. I was thinking of how the rest of my family came to visit me and my brother during the Christmas break, and it was our first Christmas together again after 4 years. Victor wasn’t very happy working in Toronto. He was miserable. He never talked to me, but people talk.

I wasn’t too sure about telling people who I had a crush on. He is not that tall. He’s cute, he has a little bit of an accent and he is a very nice person. I could only tell my cousin, Christina. It’s Christian. I like Christian. It was very hard to keep it a secret from everyone else. But the way I like him was very different than my past experiences in liking guys. It is slow and steady. No rush.

2.1 New People, New Drama

A new term started. I wasn't looking forward to it because of what happened last term. I’m now an office director at Mathsoc. I have a partner named Randy. He’s “my other half” interpreted in the regular way. As some of the people left town for coop, some of them who were from coop last term, came back to school and started hanging out at Mathsoc. There were Victoria, Christian, Mike, Gary and Mary. There are a lot more people but I’ll introduce them later.

At first, I was developing a crush with Randy. Brad called him “plane”. Mainly because last term, Brad gave John a transportation nickname. So we started this transportation trend for the guys that I have a crush on. A week after knowing Brad, one of the office workers, Jenny, asked where his girlfriend was. He said she is in McMaster. I was crushed. Luckily, it wasn’t a big crush like John’s. It was easier for me to forget about it. I guess I’ve already missed the plane even before buying the ticket or planning to go on a trip at all.

1.4 What was left at the end of term

When November came, I was already preparing myself to tell John how I feel about him without wanting anything back from him. I was ready. The event was called Leader party. It was for orientation leaders who helped during orientation week. We had amazing food and the time came for me to talk to John. I went up to him and said “can I talk to you?” and he said “okay” just casually sitting on his chair. Eventually, I succeeded in pulling him outside of the room to talk in private.

“I like you.”

He was staring at the ceiling with a grin on his face.

“Don’t worry; you don’t have to say anything because I don’t really expect anything back from you”

He was still staring at me.

“I still want to be your friend.”

“Yes, we will still be friends.”

His words made me feel much better just because he didn’t give me any replies when I told him that I like him.

Then, we went back to the room. Everyone was asking me how it went when he was just at the table beside us. I was thinking to myself of how foolish they were to do that. Afterward, John and I agreed on staying in good terms as friends. I gave him a hug when he was about to leave the party. It was a long hug and it was nice. It felt like he didn't want to let go.

Almost the end of November was a hectic time for us. Not in terms of school, but somehow everything was starting to fall apart. Everyone was very sensitive. But eventually, we got over it. Brandon and Victor moved to Toronto and now we have George, Katharine and me still in Waterloo. We had a lot more friends too. Lisa, Karen, and Brad. I was closer to Lisa because she was the one who has been listening to my stories when I’m happy or sad. She’s a very good secret keeper I must say.